Quickly
You know what really gets on my nerves? When people take on a stupid persona on the web and persist in sticking to it.
Like if they name themselves after a rat, use a rat avatar, call themselves a rodent whenever they can, and talk about liking cheese all the damn time. ”Oh, that makes this little rat cry!” ”This sucks, I need some cheese!” “Us rodents don’t have these problems!”
YOU’RE NOT A FUCKING RAT. TALK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, YOU TWAT.
People do this because they’re so scared that they’re uninteresting that they come up with another self and hope it makes them memorable. IT DOESN’T WORK. It just makes you really fuckdamn annoying.
It’s even worse when they take on the persona of some character from a stupid book or cartoon or movie. Now, I’m not saying it’s stupid to use a character name for your web handle and have a matching avatar and signature. That’s fine. When you actually pretend to be that person, however, you turn into a douchebag.
Heroes
Ok, so at some point, I tried to watch Heroes, because everyone and their brother thinks it’s the best fuckin’ show ever, after Lost. It bored the hell out of me. I mean it literally put me to sleep.
I tried it again today, only THIS time, I watched it with RiffTrax commentary, and THIS time, I was actually entertained.
Conclusions: RiffTrax can make anything entertaining, Heroes is still stupid, and Hayden Panatierre is probably going to fuck up the movie adaptation of my favorite book of all time, I Love You, Beth Cooper.
Kristen Bell, why oh why did you have to join THIS cast? Couldn’t you have moved to a show actually worth watching? WHY, VERONICA?! WHYYYYYY?!
…
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!
#3: Fox
I’m not going to talk about Fox News. Everyone knows how useless THEY are. No, I’m concentrating on OG Fox.
Why?
I’ll tell you why.
ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT, that’s why.
It was the best show on TV. It was the only show actually worth watching when it was actually broadcast and not on DVD. It had the best cast of characters (and cast) I’ve ever seen. It had some of the funniest one-liners ever. It won awards every fourteen seconds.
And yet, Fox decided to cancel it, citing poor ratings.
Why do you think it got such poor ratings, Fox? Maybe it’s because you DIDN’T FUCKING ADVERTISE IT AND KEPT CHANGING ITS AIRTIME. You Veronica Mars’d it to death, Fox. And for that, I hate you with the fire of a million suns.
You know what? I’ll let David Cross tell it.
You tell ‘em, David.
That, and you brought back Family Guy. I hate you with the fire of a few thousand more suns for that.
I’m not all about the negativity here. Yes, there are some things that cheer me the HELL up. So enjoy this hilarious Michael Cera video.
